This will be my last post for this blog.
I strongly feel this chapter in my life is over. (Navy life, transition, Civi life… and now moving on to just Civilian life with kids growing up too fast!)
You can visit my new blog at Another Revelation to see the continuation of my life story.
When God closes a window, He opens a door.
As I was running today, I was thinking about how much I’ve learned in the last two days. How humbling that not only has God used me as a lesson to myself, but my head feels so much clearer. Even my worries have lessened. I know, it sounds so cliché… Girl makes sacrifice, God speaks to girl, girl feels calm and see’s hope. Maybe it sounds cliché… but it speaks truth.
I was reflecting over why I started this blog, why it has the title that it does and wondering if it is time to move on. Originally, Half My Heart was intended as a means to write my husband while he was on deployment, vent my frustrations and document my children’s lives. I came up with the name because “half of my heart” was in Afghanistan. Now I’m pondering starting a new chapter in my life… a new blog with a fresh new name.
In other news, it snowed. Not as much as last year, but enough for the kids and I to build a semi-fort in the back yard. The kids reason for the fort was to hide from daddy when they have a snow ball fight… we shall see.
Recently I became aware that my perception of being social might be tainted. Nothing like a little perspective thrown in my face. What I mean is that is it so easy to get drawn into the online social networking world… a faster way of communicating with friends and family than waiting for them to reply to an email or voice message. It would seem like any free time I had, I’d use to check the statuses of my friends. In a way it is helpful because I was “in the know” of who was doing what… but why do I feel the need to know in the first place? Does it give me a sense of comfort? No. Does it fulfill me? No. Does it make me happy? Maybe. Maybe not.
Several instances in the last week have brought me to the conclusion that I in fact have a problem, an addiction if you will. The dictionary defines addiction as this:
addiction |əˈdik sh ən|noun: the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. A dependence, habit, problem. An obsession with, infatuation with, passion for, love of, mania for, enslavement to.
I think I did have an obsession – an infatuation of sorts with finding out who was doing what in the local area. I was checking facebook at least 3 to 4 times a day, when really even checking it once is probably over kill. A few weeks ago I started praying about it. I asked God to open my eyes to what I am called to do. I already know that I am called to be a wife and a mother. I know that I am called to sing at church. I know that I am called to be a friend… What I’m not called to do is be on the computer or my phone.
So, I have started a challenge. A few weeks ago my pastor mentioned fasting. He told us that fasting meant giving up something to concentrate on God. It didn’t necessarily have to be food, it could be anything that was an addiction. So, I deactivated my facebook page…. and a strange thing happened. I felt lighter. Color filled my cheeks. I can’t say that I haven’t been tempted to re-login to that world, but that is part of detox, right?
If you know me, will you hold me accountable? My goal is to be socially offline until February 16th. (After that I will only check in a few times a week.) I will still blog and search google for recipes. I will still check the weather and pay my online bills… and in my spare time, I will be living life. Being social, offline.
loving each other...
My kids are awesome. They love to help in the kitchen, especially when licking spoons is involved.
I’ve always been a bit hesitant about letting them help with any other cooking because most of my recipes are pretty involved. Lot’s of sautéing (that word looks weird, but spell check picked it), chopping and taking hot things out of the oven. Yesterday I made simple beef enchiladas. When I told the girls that I needed to assemble them, they both replied with, what does assemble mean? and can we help?
After realizing that my kids are in fact tall enough to stand at the counter and (b) old enough to comprehend directions, I put together an assembly line and put them to work. It was great… I got to supervise (read a book and have a glass of wine!).
Looks like I will be researching other easy kitchen suppers today…
This is easy mom!
Look at us!
Easy Beef Enchiladas Verde
1 lb (ish) of ground beef
1 28oz can of green enchilada sauce
4 cups of shredded cheese
12 small tortillas
Brown beef, add roughly 1/3 cup of enchilada sauce, let simmer for a few minutes. Transfer to bowl so that little hands can help assemble. Take one tortilla, add beef mixture, cheese and roll up. Place in 13×9 pan (which is prepped with a layer of sauce), repeat. Pour remaining enchilada sauce evenly on top, top with cheese. Bake covered 375* for 20 mins, uncovered for 10 mins for cheese to bubble. Serve with salsa and sour cream.
It’s so easy to get caught up in our own lives, our own worries of what the future holds. It is easy to ignore or push aside other people because we don’t see them day to day. We tend to think that our minute problem is huge and trumps all.
Amazing what can happen when you take a moment to examine the people around you. I know a family that the dad is struggling with a debilitating health issue. They have to deal with this everyday for the rest of their lives. I know a cancer patient that so far has beat the odds, but the more the cancer spreads – the more it is eating away at her and her family. Why then do I linger on silly little issues in my own household?
Humbly, I come to the cross.
I let go.
I bow before the Creator.
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I started a prayer journal at the suggestion of my pastor. Even though I talk to God in prayer, writing a letter to Him helps me with perspective. I can see on paper the desires of my heart and I am both humbled and at peace.
You Never Let Go – Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know you are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
(Chorus)
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
Most of my friends thought I was crazy that I didn’t check on my babies before I went to sleep each night. I figured they woke me up enough, why would I chance waking them up by going in their room? It is strange now though… they are 7 and 8 years old and probably at least once or twice a month I go up to their room to check on them before bed. I worry about if they are having a restless night because of their day at school. Or if the sleep walker is laying in the bath tub. Mostly it is because I miss them. I mean, I don’t want to miss them growing up. Each year seems to go faster. I know that the kids have to grow up and I’m sure we will have a good time when they are adults… but I like it how it is now. They are at a fun age – and still so full of adventure and what lies ahead.
I made a few simple new year resolutions. I know… nobody keeps them. Well here we are 14 days into the new year and I have kept ALL of them! My biggest resolution was to be a mom. Simple, right? I am a mom already, therefore – mission accomplished!
Really, my resolution was to BE a mom to my kids. Not their friend, not a space cadet, not lazy… but to BE there for them, DO things for/with them, Encourage them, Teach them, Lead them, Show them. One of the hardest balances is to let your kids grow up and yet still BE a mom. For instance… shower time. Seems simple enough… let kid shower and wash their hair, put on jammies and get in bed. When I first decided to let the girls start taking showers (instead of baths), I helped them – taught them how to get a good lather in their hair and make sure they were washing each and every nook and cranny. Then, after a month, I let them do it on their own. For about 4 or 5 months they have been completely on their own until one night I realized that I had become a lazy space cadet. I was enjoying my time reading or watching TV while they took turns with showers. I was letting myself off the hook because they were independent, instead of BEING a mom. What gave me this sudden realization? My older daughter, almost 9 years old, had smelly hair and armpits… AFTER taking a shower. I’ve come to the realization that long, thick hair on an 8 year old still needs moms help… and that a barely turned 7 year old still needs someone to talk to and guide her.
I have to say that by implementing this one simple resolution that life here in our little household is happier. Not only that, but since I am already upstairs helping them, we finish earlier (and I’m not yelling for them to “hurry up”) and we have more time for cuddling and reading stories before bedtime.
my silly kids playing on the Mac…
oh the fun...
Well, December has turned out to be a very full and fast paced month! It seems that when your youngest child turns Seven, time starts to go even faster. When I started this blog Three years ago, I felt the urge to write all the time. Now it seems that with the addition of Facebook, I don’t have much to share anymore. Maybe, or maybe I’m just lazy.
Most of December was filled with activities for Girl Scouts, school or rehearsals for the Christmas Eve pageant. We also were taking the oldest child to the doctor for testing. She was very lethargic, fatigued and complained that her neck hurt all the time. Blood work revealed that everything was fine. This Holiday break has given her the opportunity to “heal”, if you will, from the stresses of being a 3rd grader and she has been the happiest I’ve seen her since this summer. I’m thinking that my new years resolution will be to take things slower. Not that we are over involved, she only does Girl Scouts and gymnastics… but then add in her sisters Girls Scouts which meets opposite weeks, our Bible study growth group and homework and all the sudden we have a full week.
We had a wonderful Christmas holiday. The girls were involved in the Christmas Eve service, as was I. Both girls were bell ringers during the first song and the 8 year old was a flag dancer at the end. All of those rehearsals paid off!
After the service, my parents came over to spend the night so that they could watch the girls open presents in the morning. Santa was generous this year and brought the kids (and daddy) a PS3. It came with one game and honestly, I don’t see any reason to buy another. Ever. This game has so many levels and the game system does so much more than just play the games.
We then headed over to my parents house for the night, along with my sisters family. We had a big Christmas dinner and played a few games of scrabble.
On the 27th, I celebrated my birthday. The day was very relaxing. I got to pick out a new phone (thanks M&D!), go house looking for fun and then have a low key dinner on the sofas by the fire at a local restaurant. The girls sat on the floor by the fire and ate their dinner under the coffee table. Their giggling reminded me of good times when I was their age… but I think I’m having more fun now.
Speaking of good times… this break has allowed us to not only have much needed family time, but also one-on-one time with the girls. The girly-girl and I painted toe nails and went grocery shopping together, while dad and the tom-boy built a lego house. We’ve also had time to snuggle and watch movies, read books and play games. The girls even made up their own version of charades the other night. Now the year is coming to an end. So many memories, a few of them sad… but all of them together make another chapter in our lives. Here’s to 2011!
Moving on is hard. Today was a special but tough day. My youngest child turned 7 years old today. I woke up and tried to concentrate on her the whole day. We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast, opened gifts, went to church, had a special paint your own pottery party with her friends, dinner with my parents and finally dessert at my sister’s house. Today was also the first birthday celebration that we’ve had with our Seven year old without our puppy. A wonderful, fun day… but bittersweet with memories.
Thursday was the hardest day I’ve ever had. My buddy Rusty spent his last day with us. When I wrote the last post, we had no idea things were as bad as they were. On Wednesday morning I took Rusty into the vet. She immediately told me that his spleen was enlarged. You barely had to touch his tummy to tell… which basically happened over night, because I know when I pet him on Tuesday it did not feel that way. She took some blood work and a few x-ray’s which came back concluding that Rusty indeed had an enlarged spleen which was bleeding and cancer in his lungs. Even with a spleen removal, 3 weeks healing time and a blood transfusion… the pup still had lung cancer which would spread fast and she only gave him around 3 weeks to 3 months to live. He would be in constant pain, even with meds. Our choice was difficult and the process was painful for us. Rusty, however, was very peaceful and passed away quietly in our arms.
As mentioned before, we got Rusty in 2001 when he was 8 weeks old. He chewed on my Birkenstocks and it was love at first sight. We brought him home and fed him ice cubes, which he had way more fun playing with in his paws, then actually licking.
Here is a stroll down memory lane. I asked the girls and my husband to give me some of their fondest memories of Rusty…
Rusty loved to chew sticks. It didn’t matter the size or shape… he would even drag a fallen branch over to a comfortable spot and begin to chew on it, most usually eating all of it. I guess he felt he needed extra fiber? 
If you gave Rusty a ball… he would roll over and play with it in his paws and drop it into his mouth. I think he thought he was a cat, the way he always used his paws. He might also use it as a back scratcher and roll on top of it. 
Rusty was a protector. He would follow the girls and I around all day. The funniest part about it was when the girls went outside. Rusty did not like to be alone, so as long as the girls were playing outside, he would be at their side protecting them. If they came inside, so would he. When you let him out to do his business, he would immediately come inside afterwards… even if it was a beautiful day out.
I took this through the kitchen window… looks like a bubble of protection!
Rusty loved to be part of the action… especially if the action involved water. Rusty loved the sprinkler and he would chase the water around and try to drink it.
The almost 7 year old @ 18 months old and Rusty
This past summer…
Rusty could be sitting completely still in the grass, enjoying the sights and the smells – only to suddenly get up and start running figure 8’s around the yard. Then he’d stop and lay back down like it never happened.
I think the funniest thing about Rusty was his daily routine quirks. Every morning around 5 am Rusty would get off the couch and come and lay by our bed. When my husband got up to shower, he would roll over for a belly rub and then go and lay on the couch until he was done. Even if I got up and went to the kitchen to make school lunches or coffee… he would stay on the couch. Then, when my husband got out his morning cereal, Rusty would come in to have 4 Mini-Wheats. My husband used to eat Mini-Wheats every day for breakfast for years. One morning he decided that he didn’t want them, but it was too hard to toss other cereals to Rusty… so, we kept giving him 4 Mini-Wheats. He would then go back to lay on the couch until the girls woke up. Finally when they came downstairs, I’d open up the back door for him to go outside… he never asked a minute before, he always waited on us.
I could go on and on with the stories, but will just close with a few more pictures… So long my dear friend. You were a great walking buddy, protector,cuddle buddy and deployment pal… but most of all, you were a family member – my hairy son.
The Golden Child
I have a furry son named Rusty. We bought him on the spot when we were going in the pet shop to browse. He nibbled on my shoe and he stole my heart. I couldn’t imagine leaving the store and letting someone else take him home. As a puppy, Rusty got into quite a bit of trouble. From chewing on the kitchen table chairs to eating some mysterious mushroom and needing antibiotics. We decided to enroll him in puppy training and he was number one in his class. We even taught him how to sit with only a hand motion.
Fast forward 8 years…, Rusty has an issue with his eye, READ: How the cookie crumbles. After almost 18 months, we have had no issues with Rusty, until now. For the last week he has not wanted his regular dog food, nor been doing his deed as much as he used too. I am worried… and to make matters worse, he has a strange little knot in his tummy. I guess we are off to the vet, yet again…
But truly, Rusty is our Golden Child. As we deal with tweeny and pre-tween girl ordeals at home… the whining, fighting, complaining… having a son that complies with the rules is nice! I can deal with the homework, extra curricular schedules, etc… it is the moods that get me…
In other news, Thanksgiving was certainly a time of thanks! My husbands side of the family met together (minus one brother and family) and had a great time.
most of the paternal clan...
caught on film! The blurry part is me "scolding" my hubs (for something dumb…) Don't worry, not the bird, more of an Italian gesture of sorts! (too bad I'm not Italian!)
Half my Heart 