Ramblings from my life…

The battle in me

For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from anxiety. It creeps up when I start thinking about something for too long. If I start to debate the pros and cons of a situation or just can’t let something go, my heart starts to flutter and my face tightens and burns. I have to try hard to think about something else or shake it off. Usually I will start to sing (in my head) a comforting song to God.

On Friday, husband and I leave for Germany. This will be the longest I have left the children… but not only that, to another country. When I got in bed last night, anxiety over took me. I started to sweat and almost made up my mind not to go. I know that would be ridiculous… so, I calmed myself down enough to go to sleep. Now as I sit here, husband off to work and the kids back to sleep, I am starting to panic again. I guess the biggest thing would be that something should happen to us and leave our kids parentless. I have no worries about the actual time that we will be gone – or that the kids will barely miss us because they are hanging out with Grammy and Grampy. I can’t shake it.

So, I’ve turned to God. Why do we always wait? I mean, I’ve prayed several times already for this trip… but I guess I forgot to ask Him to calm my anixous heart. I started reading some passages this morning and I’m going to print them and take them with me. Prayer one: Philippians 4:6, Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Prayer two: Psalm 94:18-19, When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your love, O LORD, supported me. 19 When anxiety was great within me your consolation brought joy to my soul.

It is hard. We can know the truth (God loves us) and we can believe His promise (Jeremiah 29:11), but evil creeps it’s ugly head in and tries to overtake us. Then I realize how many times God has helped me. He has answered prayers, calmed my heart and helped me through tough times. Of couse He will do that this time. I just need to trust in Him. “And the peace of God, which trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

Take a deep breath. Breathe in the truth. Have peace.

I will trust in You
by Jeremy Camp

When I can’t see You I know You’re there
When I can’t feel You I will not fear
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.
When the battle is close at hand
I know you’re with me to help me stand
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

I will not be afraid
I will trust in you

When the darkness is close at hand
And I am running against the wind
I will trust in you and I will not be afraid.
When I’m standing upon that shore
All the battles I’ve gone before
I will trust in you, and I will not be afraid.

‘Cuz I will not be afraid
I will not be afraid
I will trust in you

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2 responses

  1. Your Biggest Fan

    Don’t print the pages, take the whole book, its worth it’s weight. Thanks for sharing your heart, we all are anxious about something, some time. What a great verse, Philippians 4:6 is. I need to remember it. Have a peaceful trip.

    February 10, 2009 at 10:12 am

  2. Where have you gone

    Miss your posts!

    February 22, 2009 at 9:27 am

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