Ramblings from my life…

Lonely is…

I’ve been having a bit of bloggers block lately. Every time I sit down to write a post, I can’t finish it. I think the topic is interesting and then 3 lines later, the story is over. Let’s see if I can punch anything out with this topic…

Lonely is…

1.) feeling emptiness when you are surrounded by love

2.) thinking of something funny to say, turning to say it and then realizing there is no one to talk too…

3.) checking your email, voicemail, blog for any type of human (adult) contact

4.) longing for a hand to hold

5.) making up conversations with your husband when you are doing day to day tasks

6.) crying at everything… even the sight of a broken toy

7.) 84 more days without my husband

8.) just that… lonely

Don’t get me wrong – I love life, I love my Lord, I love my husband, I love my children… I just really miss my husband. It is a pain that rips my heart out each night after I put my children to bed. It is a pain that I feel when I see couples holding hands or glancing at each other with those googley eyes. It is this indescribable pain that haunts my dreams.

No one or nothing can prepare you for this. You simply are used to one thing, you take it for granted and then you don’t have it anymore. You realize how much this person does for you, the family, the house… just day to day things. People say separation gets easier each time it happens… I disagree! This is much tougher than the last time my husband deployed. It is a completely different situation, different state, different people around me.

I hear the tired voice of my husband on the phone line… he’s been up for 16 hours, in the office the entire time. The things he sees, hears, deals with. He hears the children laughing in the background. He takes the time to play “the yummy game” with them on the phone. Suddenly the house is filled with that love, that joy, that full feeling.

A book that I read to my children is called “A Baby Sister for Francis“. In the book, Francis runs away after she feels that the baby is getting more attention than her. She runs away under the dinning room table, taking a bag full of goodies. While she is there, she overhears mommy and daddy talking about how much they miss Francis. After all, the new baby is wonderful, but it is not a family without everyone there. Francis realizes that to feel whole, the family needs her home and begins her journey home.

That is just how I feel… the family will not be complete until the plane carrying my husband lands! 84 more days…


5 responses

  1. Amber

    I am so sorry that you have 84 more days to go and that you miss him so much! HUGS!!!

    June 4, 2007 at 11:46 pm

  2. Hugs to you!! All I can say is, the hugs of friends won’t fill the void but hopefully will ease it a little bit. Cyber hugs have to do from this end, but I hope you have some friends or church family to give you real, warm hugs…that human contact is so needed. You are in my prayers! Even though we have never met, I feel a growing connection and affection for you through the blogosphere. 🙂


    June 5, 2007 at 1:50 am

  3. My prayers go up for you. Get out and have a little fun today! Eat some chocolate-or whatever makes you happy!

    June 5, 2007 at 9:44 am

  4. I really hate that you’re having to go through the loneliness, but there’s something strangely comforting in your very good description of it. I think those marriages that have to often adapt and overcome in these situations have a richness born of the creativity of sharing life across about 10 time zones. Also, the Francis books are still some of my faves. Bread and Jam for Francis is still at the top for me, though. I’m not sure why other than the fact that it was one of my very first books. I hope your day is filled with unexpected adult contact (of the delightful welcome sort).

    June 5, 2007 at 3:21 pm

  5. ((((hugs)))) to you.

    I know that lonely too… I hope the 84 days fly by and he is in your arms again.

    June 5, 2007 at 11:08 pm

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